Quotable Quotes

Okay here is a list of funny quotes I have found

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils ... - Louis Hector Berlioz

Hilarious but unfortunately true, it seems as people gain enough wisdom not to be stupid anymore they die, but people mostly die from doing stupid things

Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped.

I'm not exactly sure whether to be offended or impressed, but this does express most of my feelings towards other guys with one exception, not enough are gay or more specifically out.

I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.

Proving women are truly evil lol, and this isn't funny I'm claustrophobic =)

Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!

So true, So true. I feel the same way even though I'm not a girl, but if you make the wrong move you lose it with me too.

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

I'm not sure why I laughed my ass off when I read this, I'm not sure if I'm morbid or not, but I do laugh when people die in movies

Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers. - Homer Simpson

HAHA IT FUNNY CUZ IT TALK BOUT LOTTERY LOL, i don't get it =( OH HE TALKING TO HIS SON ABOUT WORKING YET HE LAZY AND BUY LOTTERY TICKETS, I GET IT NOW =)

You laugh because I'm different...........I laugh cause I just farted!

AARON in german class, ughh I don't even wanna think about that nasty fart last week

What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?'Hold my purse.'

I'm not gonna say anything else beside these words- "My mom makes me hold her purse"

What you call dog with no legs?Don't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come.

Kinda funny but mostly morbid =(

"Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss." - Douglas Adams

OMG kind of the story of my life, except when I hit the ground I stay there, for a very long time

You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'. -Homer Simpson

This is now my new motto, I shall never try a single thing again and thus will never fail, shit just failed that german quiz what's new? Except that I have never failed one yet.

Everyone needs believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.

And I believe I hate APUS

When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.

Sometimes how I feel, lol, jk

If your wife wants to learn to drive, don't stand in her way

I get it, because women are horrible drivers along with Asians and really old people, I don't really feel this way I'm just stereotyping

Men should be like Kleenex, soft, strong and disposable. - Mrs. White, (Clue 1985)

Tis true, yet a woman shalt stand by their man and be quiet, never seen outside the kitchen unless needed, and never to speak unless spoken too. Once again I don't really feel this way, I just felt like saying it.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

MY Computer actually beat me at that too, I have scars to prove it.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.

HAHA Free speech is a joke

"One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures." -George W. Bush

OMG one of the smarter things Bush has said

For diplomacy to be effective, words must be credible - and no one can now doubt the word of America. -George W. Bush

OMG just think about how much shit America has done to the rest of the world and then you tell the rest of the world to trust us, what is wrong with that picture

There will be more quotes to come at a later date...